First, I want to thank Frank the Tank for guest posting
today. Work has been crazy the past few days and I'm coming off of a
drunken weekend in Reno playing cards, downing Coronoa Lights
and fighting off the advances of female Russian card dealers.
By Frank the Tank
Colin, thanks so much for letting me post to Value Add. I really do need to get something off my chest and here's the perfect forum. What's up with the Olive Garden? I mean seriously..that place freaks me out. Very clean restrooms though. Especially the one in Brea, California.
My girlfriend and I were at an Olive Garden last night, which was lovely...and at one point before the meal started I noticed a waitress from the corner of my eye. She came over to us and asked if we would like to sample some of their white, or red wine. The white was a Kendall Jackson Chardonnay which the girl HEAVILY endorsed and the other a Sterling red. I thought the only people endorsing Kendall Jackson that adamantly were *very social* stay at home MILFs.
I was taken aback. I haven't been to the Olive Garden since the incident with Marissa and the trust tree and I pretty much blocked that out of my skull. So other than that, it's been like a good 6 or 7 years. When did they start offering you shots of wine? Has that always been the case? And wow, how many families of 7 or more were there last night? A lot.
Probably the most alarming thing about the experience is the need for everyone, and I mean everyone, to stick to their scripts. If anyone- patron, hostess, waiter/waitress, cook, serving tray, etc., abort from the script, you're looking at potential mayhem. The waitress finally got around to asking if I would like a glass of the Chardonnay and I said that I never drink white wine after 10am, so no thank you. Her face was similar to what I imagine the guy who first found fire looked like. Immediately, panic set in.
Is he serious? What could he mean by that? He did not say red or white, or no thank you. I need to get the bread sticks..the bread sticks. Oh god, now what?
It was an amazingly awkward exchange. Eventually, survival functions kicked in and she was able to right herself enough to come back and take our order. Once the food arrived, she checked back with us at the 3 minute mark, just like you're taught at a move em in move em out *high end* chain eatery.
I don't know, maybe I'm being paranoid. Or maybe I really do miss Blue as much as everyone says. But I'll be damned if their wasn't this weird energy where if there weren't 48 people waiting for their table, or if the restaurant dipped below 36 families of 7 or more eating, or a guy didn't answer the would you like a Chardonnay question with 'yes please or no thank you,' that all hell was about to break loose. I think that's the last Olive Garden experience for me. I'm 0-2 in that place.
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